Expecting dads! At what point did you forget we were once, your Sweet Lady Love? I know you see us as a big fiat bitchy incubator now, but at one time we were the lady you loved to take care of. You see, that's why we fell in love with you. You used to care for us, love us, take care of our needs, and do it all with a smile. Dude! WTF?
To my dearest husband: (and all the other ones too)
If you would just love me like you used to, I might not be so bitchy. If you treated me like your lady love, I might be that. Now that you instantly expect every time I open my mouth its to rip your head off, you make it worse! That's called "assume"ing. When you Assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME! So stop it.
I love you. I do. I am just fat, bloated, achy, cranky, hungrier than a hippo and need to pee. If you felt all of those things at the same time, ALL OF THE TIME, you too would find it hard to always be gentle and happy.
I know I don't look like your lady. Please remember it's not my fault! It's not my fault my ass is twice the size it was 8 months ago. It's not my fault that I have a new chin, cellulite on the backs of my knees and I grunt when I sit down or get up. I'm sorry I need new shoes, but only two toes fit in my old ones, I'm retaining water. It's not my fault that I have gas that could suffocate a small village. It's not my fault that I have acne worse than a 13 year old boy. It's not my fault! I'm growing a human, that's what it takes!
I propose that you spend all day tomorrow treating me like your Princess, your Sweet Lady Love, and see if I don't act like it. I need some TLC from you. I promise if you treat me like a lady, I will act like it... as best I can.