Aug 7, 2012

Expecting dads... Tip #44 Please don't forget we are ladies needing lots of TLC

(I just found this... I don't know why I never posted it...)

Expecting dads!  At what point did you forget we were once, your Sweet Lady Love? I know you see us as a big fiat bitchy incubator now, but at one time we were the lady you loved to take care of.  You see, that's why we fell in love with you.  You used to care for us, love us, take care of our needs, and do it all with a smile.  Dude! WTF?


To my dearest husband: (and all the other ones too)

If you would just love me like you used to, I might not be so bitchy.  If you treated me like your lady love, I might be that.  Now that you instantly expect every time I open my mouth its to rip your head off, you make it worse!  That's called "assume"ing.  When you Assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME!  So stop it.

I love you. I do.  I am just fat, bloated, achy, cranky, hungrier than a hippo and need to pee.  If you felt all of those things at the same time, ALL OF THE TIME, you too would find it hard to always be gentle and happy.   

I know I don't look like your lady.  Please remember it's not my fault!  It's not my fault my ass is twice the size it was 8 months ago. It's not my fault that I have a new chin, cellulite on the backs of my knees and I grunt when I sit down or get up. I'm sorry I need new shoes, but only two toes fit in my old ones, I'm retaining water. It's not my fault that I have gas that could suffocate a small village.  It's not my fault that I have acne worse than a 13 year old boy. It's not my fault! I'm growing a human, that's what it takes!

I propose that you spend all day tomorrow treating me like your Princess, your Sweet Lady Love, and see if I don't act like it.  I need some TLC from you.  I promise if you treat me like a lady, I will act like it... as best I can.


Your Wife

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit

1 comment:

  1. Oh the flashbacks! The flashbacks! (best read in overly dramatic fashion with one hand pressed against the forehead, the other posed delicately at your side). I had (almost) completely forgotten about the joys of dealing with a husband when pregnant. I think there should be a contract template available for download, in which husbands agree to worship their wives forevermore, but particularly when they are baking a squirmy, kicking, nausea inducing watermelon sized human!