Jan 30, 2012

Observations at 38/39 weeks...

1. I know I've said I was a stuffed turkey in the past, well I was so wrong. I am a stuffed Turdunken! I am crammed full no more vacancy.
2. Nothing fits... Not my underware, bras, socks, shoes, NOTHING! But I will be dammed if I go out and spend one more cent on those hateful maternity clothes!
3. I cannot wait to box up my maternity clothes. I have never wanted to preform such hateful destruction on clothes before, but like a good "been there done that" I will pass them on to the next preggie.
4. I'm 4 days away from being a "Been there done that!" it really has gone by fast...er than I thought!
5. My feet and ankles are constantly so swollen they look like they are sprained or broken, it's a wonder they are still working!
6. I am convinced I am not carrying a baby. I am carrying a toddler.
7. He is so active and still capable of making my belly look like a pot of bubbling stew. My nephews scream and run from it.
8. My hips and thighs are spent. If I over use them I pay two fold. If I owned a bed pan I would seriously use it.
9. My husband will always be reminded of these past 9 months when I want something or need to win an argument. Yes, I am that wife, and not ashamed one bit!
10. I'm so sick of sleeping on my left side. I still wake up on my back, but I just cannot get to sleep unless I'm laying on my left.
11. 90% calm about delivery. 10% freaking the eff out! I just know it's going to happen and be the millionth csection for the two doctors. So the 90% is faith in my doctors and modern medicine and the 10% is me scared of the unknowns.
12. I cannot wait to find out what my baby's name is going to be! Maybe someone should invent "baby name fortune cookies," when in doubt crack one open and go with it!
13. My queen size bed is no longer big enough for me, my toddler size belly and my pillow fort.. I already had to get rid of the husband, I cannot decide what's next? I am buying a king size bed before I do this baby making thing again!
14. I can't breathe through my nose after I've been lying down for a while. It's weird but I get really stuffy. I wake up to pee every hour with the worst cotton mouth, so I drink water... I'm just feeding the beastly pee cycle but I'd rather that then my mouth be an un-lubricated field of cotton.
15. I really hope my filthy short temper goes away when I deliver. I am truly tired of being an evil bitch!
16. My husband hopes so too! ; o
17. My heart goes out to you ladies carrying for 40-42 weeks. You are champions and I just cannot imagine going one day past 39 weeks. You Go Girl!!!
18. I'm counting the nights I have left to try to sleep rather than the days left til delivery since the days are so much easier to get through.
19. I am so so so so so tired of being A stuffed sleep deprived angry fatty fatty boom boom prego!
20. I'm a mindless, clumsy, babbling, confused, twit. The sad thing is that I am somehow getting worse everyday. Thank God I only have 4 to go!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


  1. Husb and I have a queen. He's been sleeping on the air mattress for the last couple months cuz of my huge body pillows (I'm 32 wks) but actually really likes hogging the whole thing so we're happy... But DEFINATELY getting a king in the next few months.

  2. 4 days away..... I am so completely jealous of you... I between 12 - 26 days away... and the suspense is killing me! I feel myself slipping into this weird "I'm going to be pregnant forever depression..." and I hate it! I've become a raging lunatic...., I feel bad for my husband :(

    Good luck mama! I can't wait to hear how it is on the other side... One of these days I'll get there...

    1. Oh, Alissa I know how you feel! But wait til you are down to four days and you dig in your heels. It's similar to the I forgot something feeling... fortunately that I feel like crap and I'm so uncomfortable feeling keeps you focused on the prize!

      Oh and that raging lunatic... Is all my husband knows!

  3. SALINE SPRAY for your nose. I nose bleeds and stuffy noses and I use the saline spray every time I get up to use the bathroom. I just leave it on the counter of my bathroom. Then, I make sure to also blow my nose each time I'm in the bathroom too. This has greatly helped me, but I inform my husband at all times that I'm composed of snot and blood now and I hate him for it.

    Hope you're not having the pregnancy nightmares that I'm having. I keep dreaming of my children drowning. It is the worst!

    Lastly, AT THE LAST MOMENT BEFORE MY CSECTION, I asked my doctor, "Have you done this before?!" He looked at me and laughed and said, "Once or twice." And I said, "You can't do this then!" And he added, "... a day."

  4. OMG! I know exactly how you feel!!! I am in my 38th week and getting so big and clumsy. I am gonna beg my doctor tomorrow to induce labor.. I hope it works ;)

    1. Lol! I tried that at 37 weeks, i thought it would be Ok since its considered full term...she laughed at me. Now that I'm at 39 weeks I'm soaking up singleness because it will be gone for good in four days!

  5. Mrs. LoquaciousJanuary 30, 2012

    Mrs. Loquacious has left a new comment on your post "Observations at 38/39 weeks...":

    Guh. I'm at 40+4 now and I hear ya, sister! My feet hurt to flex because they are so bloody swollen, and my inner thighs hurt when I lift my legs (so walking is not fun). I'm still sharing a bed with Hubbs but the queen size is really not quite big enough for both of us and my giant body pillow; every time I turn from left to right side (which I do at least twice a night) I end up hitting him and waking him up with my grunting! LOL.

    I'm sure this too shall pass...but when?! I want to evict my kid.

    1. You are a super hero! 40 + 4! Am I gonna see you on YouTube tomorrow running a marathon?? Really have you considered any of those, speed up labor methods yet?

  6. Oh- and useful information- being a psycho bitch at the hospital when it comes to your baby may terrify your husband- but equally impress him... and if you find a nurse you hate or love- just know you have the power to fire or request them equally... if it weren't for that, I may have been arrested! The hormones immediately following the birth are far worse than the whole pregnancy. LOL

    And as much as looking at yourself in the mirror pregnant can be scary, I found it horribly depressing to have the loose skin and 5-6month pregnant look with no baby in there! Just remember your sense of humor, and read all your blog postings as a reminder to how you felt pregnant :)

    Can't wait to hear what your baby boy's name will end up being!!!

    1. I read your blog... Awesome!! It must have been so great being a nurse and thus able to care for you preemie. I'm also so thankful your little man is doing so well! Thank you so much for sharing everything you went through.

      After reading your blog and now this comment I pray I have angles like you! I also feel empowered to be a crazy lady to get my son the best care possible! Thank you!

      And yuck but thanks for the body check warning... Um already scared!

    2. Oh, yeah, totally true -- that maternity clothing is probably going to be sticking for at least a month or two. I got super lucky last time and only had to wear it a month, but if you recall I was abnormally small. I'm expecting three or four months this time. :(