Jan 19, 2012

Observations at 37 weeks pregnant...

  1. I'm the worst kind of pregnant person... Bitch... Whine... Cry... Stomp and repeat.
  2. I'm just so damn uncomfortable! I’ve been incubating a baby for 37 weeks! I should even think those stupid Know-it-alls would keep their mouths shut when I say, I’M SO TIRED OF BEING PREGNANT! Yes, I am thankful. Yes, I am blessed. BUT! Dude! It’s rough!
  3. I officially get up from the seated position belly first, holding on to anything for support, grunting the whole time, then move my hand to the small of my back as I walk off, it doesn’t get much more “9-months pregnant” than that!
  4. My feet only, and mean ONLY, fit into my husbands slippers! They are so swollen my toes have fat bumps... No amount of water can break the dam that’s holding all this fluid in my body… even though I pee professionally.
  5. The bad gas has returned. Out of nowhere. With a furious vengeance! It's not even funny. I mean clear a gymnasium not funny.
  6. Thanks to the sound and smell of said gas… I'm too scared to use a multiple stall public restroom.
  7. I have gone from peeing every 2 hours during the night, to every hour… EFF ME!
  8. I have learned that you cannot technically wake up if you have not gone to sleep. My bed is just too soft or something because I have not been able to get comfortable for a week now and always get up with the worst back pain…
  9. Itchy is an understatement... I just sit on the couch with a bottle of Bio Oil in one hand rubbing my belly like a big Buddha with the other, ALL DAY LONG!
  10. I walk around in my own world- it’s bizarre, like a full on la la land wearing horrible clothes and slippers in public. I rarely notice anything going on around me... until I see someone I know, then I waddle away as fast as possible and pray to God they didn’t see me.
  11. I will forget everything that happened today by tomorrow morning. But that's not saying much since I didn't pay attention to anything I was doing...
  12. I hope that when I am on maternity leave, I can really leave work behind and enjoy my time with my baby.
  13. Sometimes when I am alone rubbing my belly and the baby moves, it makes me cry. It’s amazing what is going on inside of me. It’s amazing that in two weeks I will have a baby that looks like me and belongs to me. It’s still just all so surreal!
  14. I actually downloaded an app for my iPhone that counts down to the second I deliver. YES! I am that obnoxious mom who answers down to the second when people ask me when I am due.
  15. His movements have become so incredibly strong! Last night we were sure we saw a head and shoulder pushing out. It’s like he blows these big bubbles in my belly until they cannot get any bigger and then pops them. That’s the only way I can explain it. But regardless EVERYONE can see it now. He is a very strong busy boy in there.
  16. My sister called me a freak of nature and I actually took it as a compliment. I feel like one, so it’s nice that someone else noticed.
  17. My sister also told me months ago it would happen… but at the time I was rocking massive D cup boobies and couldn’t imagine how, but she was right… My massive belly has made my big ol boobies look like little mosquito bites in comparison.
  18. I am more afraid of my water breaking in public, than going into labor itself! I still freak out every time I feel a funny felling, or pressure in my cervix, or pain in my back. I wonder if this is it, am I going to drop a puddle right here in the grocery store? I’m so nuts I even imagine the water breaking, my pants getting soaked, all the shoppers staring at me and then running out of the store… Yes I have always had this crazy ass imagination.
  19. I have no self-control... Or maybe I don't care anymore... Either way I just don't give a shit if it's healthy or not... If I want it I eat it! 9 months of exhibiting super human restraint over some nutty cravings, I just cannot take it anymore!
  20. And finally… the following display at Target brought me to tears… be thankful you cannot reach out and do what I did… that’s right one of each. Damn Valentines Day candy to Hell! Especially Dove and Hershey Kisses...

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


  1. I'm not going to lie.... I also visited the Valentine's candy section at Target yesterday and almost bought one of everything... So when you posted that picture I laughed out loud! I was so crabby yesterday and tired of the "You're so huge comments...." from coworkers I thought chocolate would make me feel better :) Instead after dinner I made myself an ice cream sundae.... and I ate the whip cream straight out of the can.... Ah.... 23 more days to go, I can't wait!

  2. I woke up at 3:15 am needing to pee and hungry as all heck. Almost ate that entire loaf of banana bread sitting in the fridge (but exercised self-control b/c I'm getting the ol' "weigh-in" today).
    And grunting has become my native language; I grunt all. the. time. And every time, my Hubbs will say, "What's wrong?" LOL. He keeps wishing it is labour but it never is.
    I hear ya sister. It's time to evict our babies.

  3. @Alissa... I love eating sundaes with a side of whip cream can... You know you hit rock bottom when you spray each spoon full then fill your mouth with it too. I suppose there are somd things I will miss about guiltless pregnancy moments...

    @ Loquacious- LMAO! I can see us now, tearing into the loaf of banana bread Grunting away... Husbands crying on each other shoulders. Good Times! My Eviction notice has been posted!