Jan 12, 2012

Observations at 36 weeks pregnant

  1. I have NEVER been so tired of being... pregnant, over stuffed, tired, hungry, annoyed, outraged, achy, itchy, sitting on my butt being lazy, watching mindless television… I could seriously go on like this forever. I am just amazed by the fact that everyone insists I will forget how bad pregnancy sucks… especially the last few weeks.
  2. There is no such thing as “squeezing through” when you are 36 weeks pregnant! I bang my big ol' pregnant ass into everything! I cannot gauge my body anymore. I parked next to my sister’s car and thought I had plenty of room... NOPE! I had to roll the window down, lift my belly over the doorframe and slide out. I’m seriously thinking from butt to belly I am four feet wide!
  3. I know why pregnant women are compared to beached whales. To get out of bed I have to flip, flop and then rock and bounce until my feet touch the floor.
  4. I cannot sleep comfortably anymore… in any position! Two nights ago I lost my mind! I tried my bed with multiple pillow fort combos, then went to the glider in the nursery, then the recliner and then to the couch… and finally back to my bed. If I am going to be uncomfortable I might as well be in what was once my warm cozy bed.
  5. If I play Jay-Z or the Black Eyed Peas while my baby has the hiccups it looks like he is dancing to the beat… yes this is what I do all day…
  6. It really freaks me out to feel his head, back and butt in my belly. It adds such a realness to it all. Oh my gosh it is so scary, exciting and crazy at the same time!
  7. My ankles are SO SO SO Swollen 24/7! My doctor told me to avoid salt and drink more water. I wanted to scream at her, “I ALREADY DO!!!” I mean the audacity of that woman to tell me to drink more water! I’m beached and swollen and spend more time in the toilet than I do mad at my husband, and the world… you have no idea how much that says… or maybe you do. ;)
  8. No clothes fit, feel good to have on and the bellybands on my maternity pants are too restricting. I cannot stand to have anything fitting on my belly anymore. TMI- I just want to sit around naked with the heat turned up for the next 3 weeks.
  9. When I yawn it hurts my belly, it stretches my already stretched out belly so much it feels like I am going to burst.
  10. I was sucking down my five thousandth red grape of pregnancy and wondered if I was craving red grapes so much because of my undying love for red wine...Are grapes just the next best thing?
  11. My belly has become rock hard. I think that is why it is so hard to sleep now. Who can sleep on or cuddled around a bowling ball?!
  12. I have not had Braxton Hicks in a couple of weeks, just ligament and stretching uterus pain. The BH Contractions stopped when I gave up caffeine and started drinking water like it is my job. So if you are having issues with Braxton Hicks you might try it too.
  13. My shoulder blades are killing me. It’s almost like I have a leather belt stretched tight around them squeezing 24/7. I’m so over it.
  14. Warm/kinda Hot baths are still my only escape from the discomfort … I’m just afraid each bath will be my last since it is becoming increasingly difficult to get in and out. Plus I am also worried about my water breaking and not knowing...
  15. The little guy is moving about half as much, but I do feel him move enough to know he’s ok. Its just different now, no kicks just movements. Like his head or hand or butt will poke out. It’s like he doesn’t have enough room to pull back and punch.
  16. The last two days the little guy does feel like he is sticking a foot through the “birth canal.” Its like he is just trying to stick a toe out to test the water so to speak. ;)
  17. Every time I laugh, sneeze or cough I take a gamble… but thanks to panty liners the stakes are not nearly as high as they used to be.
  18. The hemorrhoids are knocking at my back door and it’s the most terrifying thing. It’s 3 Colace a day for me right now. The doctor says it’s ok and I have nothing to prove… and a comfortable bottom to save.
  19. I still think it has all been worth it, of course it’s all worth it, but dammit why does pregnancy have to be so damn difficult? All of the women out there who have had “a great/wonderful/easy pregnancy” have absolutely no idea how thankful they should be.
  20. I am trying to prepare myself for the fact that the last three weeks will get even more uncomfortable and painful. But, it’s only 21 more days... I can do it!!! Plus that which does not kill me will only make me stronger, right? I think we all have heard that motherhood is the hardest and most rewarding aspect of our lives, and so far I could not agree more!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


  1. YOU CAN DO IT! And I have no idea if you'll forget it. I forgot this damned misery. (Let me warn you -- not easier with a child already in the house. First pregnancy I napped like it was my part time job. This pregnancy, I nap when my son lets me.) That's why I'm blogging it now. Also, my husband told me he's going to make me give a speech into my iPhone that he records so he can play it back to me when I start to speak of having another child. And HE was the one that wanted a lot of children in the first place. :D

  2. I referred to myself as a human pin ball as I bounced between objects and walls in an attempt to get out of the way.

    My husband calls it Turtleing when I get stuck in the couch.

    I cut the arms/neck off an old t-shirt the other day so I could wear something around the lower part of my belly that would cover my maternity band on my maternity pants b/c the maternity shirts don't do it any longer. It worked.

    I don't know if what I have is Uterus stretching, but it feels like my abdomen is ripping apart. I officially have stretch marks.

    I finally figured out how to describe what it feels like to me when baby rolls: It's like that feeling you get on a rollercoaster when your stomach drops.

    You can do it, I'm right behind you.

  3. Funny... I've almost forgotten how miserable I was... almost.

    Honestly, I have already blocked out most of the pregnancy. It's the labor and delivery that I haven't forgotten. Or the postpartum healing complications I experienced. Painful is an understatement.

    Now that I have my sweet little lady and have healed, I know that I will have another child. In a couple of years. Just one more (we'd like to try for a baby boy). ;-) After that, it's adoption.

  4. Oh how I love your posts! It's the first thing I read in the morning before getting out of bed and always puts me in a good mood :)

    Here are my observations for 36 weeks...

    I grunt like it's my job.... I mean for EVERYTHING from putting on socks, to rolling off the couch, bending over to pick something up... I am so annoyed with myself

    Medical compression socks are my best friend! They are super ugly and very tight but the days I wear them I have no swelling in my legs/ankles/feet

    My little man jabbed me so hard the other day I swear I could see his little toes or fingers poking through my belly... it was weird

    When I first got pregnant I couldn't imagine myself as a mom... now I am beyond giddy and excited to meet this little guy and snuggle him!

    Thank you for creating this blog. I can't wait to read the follow-up blog once your little guy is born.

  5. oooh... medical compression socks? no swelling? I'M IN!!! While I love wearing slippers...I love options more. And I can;t wait to read our follow-up blog either... There is no telling what my husband will say, but I promised to not censor him. We keep having people laugh at us for calling it, firsttimemomanddad.com I told them my baby brain requires simplicity to function properly. lol

  6. You are *hilarious*! I am also ripe to pop (Jan. 27th) and becoming a first time momma at the tender age of 35. I can totally empathize with some of your pains (fatigue and beached whale feelings being among them) but I am really trying hard to keep things positive. :) Some days are definitely tougher than others. ;) Good luck momma!

  7. Oh - and as for dehydration, try G2 (Gatorade). It has taken away my leg cramps and it keeps me hydrated. That doesn't take away the swelling but I do think it keeps it in check. Just a thought! ;)

  8. You are ansolutely right about keepingbit positive... I start crying and trowing a fit when I don't! Lol and thanks for the G2 Gatorade tip! My physical therapist said load up on potassium. I have a bananna a day and now a F2 too!

    My husband and I are going to start writing a first timer blog called www.firsttimemomanddad.com on or around Feb 2, 2012. If you are looking for tips on what not to do or reassurance that you are not the most clueless first timer in the world... feel free to check it out!

  9. Oh yeah, this list just spoke to the very core of my soul right now lol

  10. HAHAHAHAHA WOW it's like I wrote this!
    I'm 35 weeks now and I feel EXACTLY the same LOL

  11. I'm with you