Jan 13, 2012

In the blink of an eye...


I do not know what has come over me lately, but I cannot stop thinking about how quickly life can completely change. I keep finding myself walking around worrying about the so-called “ball dropping.” Call me Captain Obvious but I think it may have to do with the overwhelming new mother anxiety I am dragging around with me. Regardless, I cannot get it out of my head how fast life changes and how far beyond my control it is.

In order to not go mad I tell myself that right now everything is ok, and not to worry about anything else than what is going on right this minute, because that is all I can control. My mother-in-law taught me the saying, “today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday.” I have loved that from the first minute I heard it. I am a worrier so I know all to well how true that statement is. So why can I not stop worrying about tomorrow, the next day or next week if I know it is a complete waste of time?

Recently, I have had to really slow down and relish in each moment to preserve what’s left of my sanity. My pregnancy has flown by, and now I find myself 20 days away from motherhood, a grade A basket case. In order to not fully loose it, fall to the fetal position and need a padded room for good, I have had to shut down my brain. The bottom line is: I have got to live in this very moment in order to not lose my mind in the next.

I cannot let my mind wonder to work, or to my financial situation, or my fear of dropping my baby on his head… or truthfully SIDs… I have to stay focused on the here and now, because it seems like when I trail off it is always to a worry, fear or completely made up scenario of ridiculousness to make me feel like it’s the end of the world. WTF?

This new pregnancy and motherhood induced anxiety is from hell. I recognize how wasteful it is, that I cannot control the next minute, so worrying about it! I also cannot control the people or the world around me, so stop trying to do that too. I realize now more than ever, I have to control my anxiety so it does not control me.

I have no doubt it will take a very long time to master the art of staying mindful of the moment and not trailing off to worry about the next, but hopefully I can eventually master it… Or I will need that padded room after all.

Ladies (and gents) at 33 I do not know much of anything about life. In fact I thought I knew it all until about 26 or 27, then I realized I knew absolutely nothing. But, I must say, I do think I am finally on to something here… If life is Good why worry about it not being good, or even worrying about how to keep it good? We are about to experience the most beautiful moments of our lives… lets not waste them in worry.

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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