Dec 8, 2011

Too Pregnant to Drive…

I am one day shy of 31 weeks pregnant and had to hand over the car keys to my husband today. It sucked! When I got behind the wheel of the car, I realized I was to uncomfortable to drive and I nearly started crying. Having to crawl out of the drivers seat and into the passengers, was the worst waddle of shame ever. Oh, what a sad sad day.

I LOVE to drive, I always have, I am the queen of the road trip! Now I am the Queen of the passenger seat, DAMMIT! Between my massive double stuffed bowling ball belly, and the big puffy coat I have to wear to deal with the cold, I look and feel like the friggin Goodyear blimp with legs. No way am I packing into a car very well these days. I keep hearing how lucky I am that I am not pregnant during the summer, well B.S. I would much rather wear flip flops and a sundress than all the crap I have to layer around my already seriously padded body this winter.

My husband's driving...It’s not even funny! He has a lead foot and no idea that there is even a break pedal, he just hauls ass, squeals tires and refuses to slow down for corners or stop signs! I swear I nearly had my baby in the front seat of the car today and we hadn’t even made it out of our zip code! I hate him driving. It doesn't help that he grew up driving in Australia... On the wrong side of the car, on the wrong side of the road! A few weeks into my pregnancy I told him that I got carsick unless I was driving. ;)

What the hell am I going to do! I drive for my job and I just cannot afford to go on maternity leave yet. I don’t really have a maternity leave since my company only has a few reps in my state, they are exempt from FMLA laws. I’m thinking I need a less restricting coat so I can lift my arms comfortably, and do my best to keep my driving down to a minimum. Slightly scary…

Bottom line, it’s time to start facing the fact that I am getting to the point in my pregnancy where I am just not going to be able to do everyday things as easily. I already have my husband putting on my socks and shoes when I cannot be bothered. I consider crying and throwing a fit every time I drop something, because we all know bending over to pick something up started sucking around month 6. Now, I have to sit in the car praying that my water doesn't break while Speed Racer drives it like he stole it…

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit


  1. With every intention of lightening the mood on this, I considered Hubs of pregnant women everywhere as 3rd trimester chauffeurs and they are "Driving Ms. Crazy," literally and figuratively.

  2. I actually am still okay but I measure small for my week. I drove to my own csection last time! On the other hand i took the diabetes test three times last time because I kept getting sick on the orange drink. It all evens out.