Dec 15, 2011

Observations at 32 weeks Pregnant

It’s that time again!  Here are my top 20 observations at 8 months…

  1. Who the hell said pregnancy lasted 9 months? Why did I think it was only a 9 months process?  Hitting 32 weeks and realizing I still had 2 months to go… Ugh!  Pregnancy lasts 10 months by the calendar… 9 ½ by gestation… and forever by my watch!
  2. I am so sick of peeing and then standing up and having to pee again!  Sometimes I can make it out of the bathroom but rarely down the hall before I feel that nagging sensation again. 
  3. While maternity clothes still suck to buy and give me a camel hoof… The bottoms do feel soooo good!  I have also cut the front of all of my leggings so I can still wear them.  Seriously a pair of leggings from Target cost $10, a pair of Maternity leggings cost $20 +…. Bet your ass I am buying the cheap ones and altering them to accommodate my growing belly.
  4. I’ve decided that my amniotic fluid must be fermented because my baby boy has hiccups more times a day than a drunken sailor! That or he has snuck a bubble machine into the womb and plays with it at least twice a day.
  5. It is so very very cool watching my boy roll around in my belly!  It’s like he’s doing the one boy wave in there. I LOVE IT!
  6. Braxton Hicks Contractions Suck!  I will never have menstrual cramps again without thinking about them. 
  7. I am actually eating less in my third trimester than any other time in my pregnancy.  Some days I have a small breakfast, a late lunch and fruit or cereal before bed. Sometimes it’s because the sight or thought of food makes me nauseous and sometimes it’s because I already feel full.  My doctor says it’s ok…
  8. I am still sucking down as much milk and yogurt as I was in the first trimester.      I am still eating a yogurt at 6am like clockwork, 8 months and counting
  9. Heartburn, indigestion and constipation are very very very bad words in my house.  We don’t speak about them…
  10. I am one of the lucky ones who does not get belly stretch marks, but over the past couple of weeks, a couple of angry red marks have appeared on my thighs. I carry my weight in my butt and thighs normally and pregnancy is no different. 
  11. I still have not named my son.  I LOVE Luka and Finley, my Husband Loves Oskar and Oliver… we do not love each other’s names…
  12. My nursery is still unfinished… but hopefully it will be in the next two weeks.
  13. Babies need WAY TOO MUCH STUFF!  Seriously only the 1% could possible afford it all… Being in the 99% my husband and I decided to buy what we need now, and then sell and buy when the time comes. 
  14. When it comes to driving I can either have my belly up against the steering wheel or wear bricks on my shoes so I can reach the pedals… Those of you who derive Crossovers and SUVs, I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU!!! 
  15. My belly is massive…My baby is supposed to gain an average of a half of a pound a week over the next 8… so that’s at least 4 more pounds in my belly alone! How in the hell can it get bigger?  Seriously! Every time the doctor measures my belly she looks at my husband and I and says, “It is a good thing he is coming out of the sunroof, that is one big boy in there!”  I couldn’t agree more.
  16. My breast and belly have so many blue lines running through them I look like a road map through the Himalayan mountains, and my butt and thighs look like a satellite image of the rocky mountains.  Whatever, I'm cool with it now. Totally worth it to have a big ass baby boy!
  17.  I have the ugliest pregnancy walk you have ever seen!  I waddle and rock back and forth.  I wonder if I could fit a hula-hoop around my waist would I be able to keep it up while walking.  I even try to tell myself “don’t walk like you are pregnant, don’t walk like you are pregnant,”  hoping to curb my stupid gait… doesn’t even work a little bit. 
  18.  I’m still scared to death to be a mother and pray everyday that me and my silly husband will be competent parents, but I have finally adopted the “shit or get off the pot” mentality.  I’m ready to have this little boy and get the mommy and daddy show on the road! 
  19. I only have a few weeks left of being childless, I really should be embracing it.  As much as I am over my pregnancy, I try to remember that it is the only thing standing between me and motherhood.  I need to stay focused on these quite moments, easy quick trips to the store, my ability to sleep in and even spend the whole day in bed if I want.  Most of all these last few weeks are my last alone with my husband for a very long time, we really need to make the very best of it.
  20. There is a Know-it-all and Been-there-done-that on every corner ready to tell me EVERYTHING about pregnancy and motherhood, and how best to do it.  I try to find a happy place or pray for patience while their never ending motor mouth is running... But instead I envision screaming in their faces, or slapping them, or sometimes just turning around and walking away.  I hope I am not like them when the tables are turned.  I have decided that when the day comes I will only answer first timers questions, not give unsolicited information and look for that second when their eyes glass over and want to run from me, because if those mothers would do that for me I would have hours of my life back and more quality hours to look forward to.  

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit


  1. As far as point 11 is concerned...

    Oskar is an absolutely fantastic name! And Oliver too - WOW what amazingly good names. I think I'm going to name my sons Oliver and Oskar too! They both evoke strong feelings of power, strength and overall awesomeness. Yes...Oliver and Oskar are the names of choice! Fabulous!!!

    The other ones are rubbish!

  2. Hello there dear.

    I agree with the last comments.

    Oliver and Oskar are the perfect choice!

    Listen to your husband.

  3. Finley...FINLEY!!!!
    Don't do it woman!

    Oskar or Oliver all the way!

  4. Yo.

    Wazzup mommy!

    Be cool yo and slap dat kid wit OsKaR 4 a name.
    Fo Shure!

    (or Oliver)

    Dem udder namez is LAME yo!

  5. In reference to point ELEVEN of the above internets blog.

    As the Dean of Names at the prestigious Oxford University faculty of Child-Naming, I hereby attest that the forementioned Christian names of Oskar and Oliver are quality examples of awesomeness.

    However...It brings me great sadness to advise you that the names "Luka" or "Finley" have been struck-off the register of allowable names.

    Therefore, I must suggest you refrain from using such names in your writings or you will be fined 1000 American dollars.

    Yours Sincerely,

    Nobby Phuckbucket.
    Dean of Names

  6. Make no mistake me dear readers "Nobby Phuckbucket" and all of the other comments are my husband thinkng he can fool me! I went ahead and posted his comments to show you all what I am working with!

  7. Hiya honey!

    It's me...your husband. I gotta say that you've made a mistake because I didn't write any of those comments.

    In fact, I don't even read your blog. I wouldn't even know what it's about! Something to do with cooking, knitting or scrap-booking I guess.

    While we're on the subject though...Oskar and Oliver are pretty awesome names!

    The other ones (whatever they are cause I don't read this blog), are crap!

  8. G'day Yank!

    It's Moi - Jooolia Gillard - the Primed Ministuh of Oztrayia here.

    I doon't know nuthin about babies coz I'm too busy thinking aboot the Karbon Taaaax, glowball Waaaarming, plain ciggies and me ole mate Kev BUT I aktually luv the names FINLEY and LUKA and rekkon one of them will do.

    So wat if it goes against everyones vote!!! Neva stopped ME B4!

  9. I knew as soon as I read that all the comments were from your hubs. Laughs galore.

  10. OMG, I about peed when I read through the comments, lol!! I love your guys sense of humor! Your husband and my husband sound SO much alike! There's never a dull moment with him!! I love your blog, I read it every day and just so you know, when I was only a few weeks along I was looking through my pregnancy ap and I came across a husbands post raving about his wife's blog and how we needed to go and check it out.. I'm so glad I did, you helped me more than you'll ever know!! So thanks guys! :)

  11. Nice observations, its really useful information.