Dec 6, 2011

Expecting Dads... Wife/Girlfriend pregnant and hate you?


**Ladies this one is for the men... as you know everyday I get at least 10-20 hits from women googling, "I am pregnant and hate my husband" Yesterday I even had, "I'm pregnant, how do I stop my husband from being an asshole." After the comment from the expecting father I got yesterday on my "Pregnant and hate my husband" post, I decided it was time to address the expecting fathers.**



Dear Expecting Dad,

Is your wife/girlfriend pregnant and loves you one minute, and then hates you the next? Are you cuddling in bed after giving her the best foot massage of her life, and then somehow waking up with the indention of a couch cushion on your cheek? Are you having a normal calm conversation and then all of the sudden being screamed at while things are flying at your head? Are you answering to “asshole” because you have not heard “honey” in months? Are practical jokes not going over well in your home anymore? If you answered yes to one or more of those questions, believe it or not, there is some good news, you are not alone…there is an expectant father going to sleep on the couch right now somewhere in the world. Bad news, in order to restore peace and harmony to your world, start smiling and nodding no matter how crazy she sounds!!

Below is a “Pregnancy Do’s and Don’ts” for daddies.

Do’s
  1. Get up off your ass and help her clean the house and do the laundry.
  2. Smile and Nod- if you don’t agree don’t tell her, or she will tell you where to shove it and sleep.
  3. When she says… “Oh I feel like a…” get up and go get it, even if it is in the next state.
  4. Only speak when spoken to. Seriously, it’s so much easier to stay quiet then be yelled at… Right?
  5. HAVE PATIENCE!! I mean, tolerate anything and everything your woman throws at you… even if it is the remote control.
  6. Give compliments and always tell her this, “No really you look great… Honey, you ARE NOT FAT, you are pregnant and gorgeous… “Please don’t cry, I will take you out and buy you a new outfit. I love you…”
  7. Be as loving and understanding as humanly possible… or suffer the wrath… I know you know what I am talking about.
  8. COMPASSION is your friend. COMPLAINING is not!
  9. Being understanding and agreeable is your only hope for survival. If she is mad at her sister, so are you. If she is mad at the dog, so are you. If she is mad at you, so are you!
  10. Do know this irrational crazed screaming and crying, Jekyll and Hyde mentality will end, promise.
Don’t

  1. When she bends over, I know it may be hard to pass up the opportunity but what ever you do, don’t make farting noises, even in your head!
  2. When she sits down on the couch, DO NOT jump up yelling WHOA… like she has shot you up in the air with her big pregnant butt.
  3. DO NOT under any circumstance go into the bathroom to build a log cabin without asking her if she needs to go first… My husband insists, “Nothing will suck a turd back up the ass, and cause the knees to tremble more than the sound of pounding at the door by a pregnant woman screaming she has to pee.”
  4. Don’t disagree with her… EVER. NEVER EVER NEVER! EVER… she is ALWAYS right and you and everyone else is wrong… Smile and nod.
  5. DO NOT Eat or drink anything in the kitchen that she may want, and if you eat the last of anything, especially the ice cream, write out your Last Will and Testament, because your days are numbered.
  6. While Holiday shopping at the mall, don’t even consider the sideways glance at the big-breasted chick walking towards you. We are growing the mommy eyes in the back of our head, and have our pervert detector on high alert. If you try it, do not expect sympathy later when you are trying to get the shopping bag out of your ass and the shoe out of your mouth.
  7. Forget about even turning on the Xbox, Playstation or Wii in her presence, or expect the doormat to be your games and whatever is left of the gaming machine after she is done with it. *As a side note: Don’t even think about going out for a midnight release of the next hottest game… unless of course you are prepared to come home to changed locks or at the very least the couch made up for another night.
  8. If your wife recommends a quiet night in watching the worst chick flick you could possibly imagine… nod and smile or watch it anyway through two black eyes.
  9. When eating out, do not order what you want off the menu, consult her first to make sure you are ordering exactly what she wants you to order… otherwise you will have a very lonely meal, followed by another night on the couch.
  10. DON’T take her pregnancy hormones personally, unless of course you deserve it. Remember we tend to hurt the ones we love the most…
All joking aside, I know this is a difficult and scary time for you as well, especially for a first-timer. Please understand, you have the capacity to think clearly and calmly through these emotions, for the most part we do not. The bottom line is that if you truly want peace and harmony restored to your home, you really are going to have to suck it up and deal with our crazy emotions and do your very best to console us, fighting back will NEVER work. Just remember it is impossible to rationalize with the irrational. I promise, you will have your perfect, beautiful, sweet lady back soon… Congratulations, Daddy, the best is yet to come...


Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

27 comments:

  1. OMG!! This is sooooo funny!! I sent it to my Husband. Your Blog is a God Send! Thank You!!!

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  2. This made my day. Actually, it made the rest of my pregnancy! lol

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  3. AnonymousJune 25, 2012

    I have been trying to be the best partner for my pregnant fiance possible, but seem to constantly make her mad or absolutely miserable despite my best efforts.

    For some time, I read the man's perspective but decided to it'd make more sense to read the woman's perspective on this after messaging one of her close friend. I first read your "I'm pregnant and I hate my husband" post and especially the subsequent comments. For half a seond, I thought "at least, I am not one of those douche bags."

    However, then I wonder why she suddenly still hated me despite not being a total asshole, and I felt 100% more shitty and worst yet.

    However, this article helped quite a bit. As a male, it made me laugh and realize "fuck it, just keep a set of testicles to you about it."

    Anyway, keeping on trucking and taking all your advice to heart. I think I was just worried she actually had a sudden revelation she hated me to death, so this just makes me feel a lot better and want to work harder!

    Daniel

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    1. Spot on Daniel! Pregnancy hormones are crazy. Every once in a whole she will. Let up. Bask in those glory days. Stay kind and positive and watch the Exorcist. And what ever you do, don't fight back. You will not win. It will get so much better, I promise!

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  4. Bs. They will never be sweet again. Its only the beginning of the end

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  5. AnonymousJune 05, 2013

    In my case which is similar to above but hates more the baby. She says that the baby is making her tired, giving her pain. Sometimes she even mentions killing the baby and she will make the baby suffer more than her when it is born. I have a LOT of patience, but one time recently in my 2-year great marriage I exploded by shouting (now feel so guilty). At that moment she punched me in the stomach and said she hated me (I know that she did not mean it).

    She has mentioned suicide, death and so much more...

    I do not know what to do next. The doctor jokes about the pregnancy and says the baby is partying and happy - but my wife is always sad. Now I am starting to feel at a loss. It seems I tried everything I could.

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  6. I have never laughed so hard during this pregnancy!
    Thank you so much, I really needed this :-)

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    1. saem here. I was in tears laughing so hard!

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  7. HedoesntunderstandJanuary 22, 2015

    This os soooooo true

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  8. HedoesntunderstandJanuary 22, 2015

    help!!!!!

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  9. After reading your statement I had to chuckle to mysen its funny but true I really thought my girl hated me after swearing at me for two week and two weeks in the sofa and two week of no conversation except the fore mention swearing....but yester found out she has HG didn't know what that was until she got diagnosed...i now feel better the house cleaning cooking and shop run don't bother me now as now I know I qm not the problem...still on the sofa mind.......!

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  10. read this post and really in the dog-house at the moment. Was home 30 mins late from work and now sleeping on the couch. She tells me she has never been so unhappy in her life and to leave her alone. Don"t know what to do and think I have probably broken all the rules above! Thanks for the post, though....cheered me up a bit :-).

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  11. I'm experiencing all of the above. My lovely girl is 8 weeks pregnant with twins:) there is nothing I can do or say without getting a stick despite my efforts. I help around the house and more yet still am the biggest and actually only enemy. She talks and laughs with everyone else. Yet my biggest problem is the fact that after long days at work etc I snore and she can't sleep. She's as good as gold but I know my time away from bed is coming. Any good advice on stopping snorting or am u in a sofa club?

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  12. Ok I've heard about some of the horror stories but until you live it...it's not real. Right now I have one thing to say...Holy xy%$. Not sure if I am going to survive this. My wife is 5 and a half months pregnant and in her fits of rage aimed at me she has broken our front door, thrown a glass cake dish through our glass back door, destroyed 2 iphone 6 plus's by throwing them at me, drowned my iphone 5 work phone in the toilet, kicked me out of the bedroom and house numerous times and lastly yesterday she threw a vase at me and missed. The flying glass went through one of the front windows of our house. And yes - my new name is either asshole or liar. Oh, I forget to mention a super solid punch to the left eye plus daily talk of divorce. Of course, hours after these episodes she's all lovey-dovey and says "you know I don't mean what I say." Boy could I have used some of this website's advice months ago. At this point it would have saved me at least a couple thousand dollars. Clearly I am not very good at being the "yes dear" husband but I better learn to be and fast. On the plus side she did give me a lesson on how to clean the house. Just wish she'd stop breaking things and texting me all kinds of mean crap and threats non-stop while I am at work. Right now it's pretty tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel...

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    1. How did this end? This post is my life. She's 7 months pregnant and I get told weekly how "this isn't going to work between us." I've had the ring thrown at me almost monthly. Everything is my fault. I'll do what she says and then get yelled at because we are out of bread. This has easily been the worst 7 months of my life. -.-

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  13. As one new husband, suffering right now, this post fealt like you dont understand our pain at all..... The farting nosie jokes you mantion dose not even exsist in my world, you most be taking to a different kind of men. I have for month just been longing to feal loved, if she just would hugged me 2 times a day I would be so happy but no. ...... I will down here post a comment from a forum that helpted me alot:

    Brother I totally feel you're pain my girlfriend is 3 months pregnant, she used love me so much was crazy about me and I about her. Now my life is a nightmare no exaggerating... there is nothing i can do to change the tide, I pray, I clean the entire house for her, I cook, whatever I can to relieve her stress (NOTHING) works. I feel her hatred and fustration when she looks at me, her answers are short and cold. The pregnancy wasn't an accident, we both agreed and i've always wanted a child of my own. I thought this was gonna be the most amazing experience of my life how I was wrong, because of this I never want to have children again. They say it gets better.. I don't believe them.. one look at her and you wouldn't either. It takes all of my strength to not take the low road out. It breaks my heart to think of such a thing. This is truly HELL and I'm it's prisoner. Patience.. patience.. patience is all I can ask for you should to.

    Knowing i am not alone. Knowing that my pain is real and to be respekted, mabey not from my wife but from others helps.

    My heart have been bleading for almost 3 monthes. but now i see it as a condition and not from her. Its the condition that dose all this things, that makes her act like see dose not love me. It gives me will to fight for her and help.

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    1. This is a good point. I also notice a lot of time when men reach out for help or even just advice they're told to basically suck it up or that they are awful people. This feeds into the mindset of we're no longer needed or are children. We know our lives are changing and women are going through an unbelievable amount of changes. Reading through forums and seeing the responses to men's concerns I see a direct correlation to what can be called loveless relationships after the baby comes.

      And while a lot of things said are just hormones, it's hard to unhear them. Those words she says and creep up in our brains in the middle of the night days or weeks later.

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  14. Thank you soo much. you just saved my marriage. I had a serious fight with my pregnant wife,i realised she has changed a lot. I decided to research on this issue and then i came across this.

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  15. Hahahaa... Nimeipenda sana... I thought this is only happening to my wife,... Thanx to the writer...
    Its somebody from Tanzania... Asante.

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  16. This article is bullshit, hormones?
    I'd like to think it was just hormones but going from a relationship where we talked about havings kids and marriage to shes breaks up with me and I find out just a few days later that shes already a few weeks along... I was happy and had a positive response. Best I got was, "I still love you but I don't see us being in a relationship again and never contact me. I will give you updates when I go to appointments."

    Granted the timing isn't best as we are about to be physically seperated for some time due to work but the fact we had talked about the distance and would work through it no matter what apparently went out the fucking window.
    I'm going to make every effort to be there for the birth but at this point I doubt she'll even give me that. All shes does is get angry, says she needs space and time to think and to quit talking to her. I've dealt with my fair share of "hormones" being clinically depressed and suffering from severe anxiety but not once did I ever do anything to push her away or hurt her even when I was at my lowest and the thought of her smiling face was being drowned by the want to end my suffering. So bullshit its hormones.

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  17. Walk like a cat on a hot tin roof. Find your own supper.

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  18. My fiance is 7 months pregnant. My first, her third. This has been the absolute worst 7 months of my life. Before she got pregnant it was all lovey dovey. Sex life was great. She then got pregnant which we planned. Then the monster came out of her. Nothing I do is right. She flips out screaming, yelling, name calling over the littlest thing. She's thrown the ring at me around 6 times now. Sex life? What's that? Kisses and hugs? Ha! She's a hateful monster. Weekly talks about her saying this isn't going to work between us. She says it's not hormones but it's clear as day it is. This sucks. I am never having another kid again.

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    1. LOL!!!! I'm so sorry to laugh, but pretty much said word-for-word what my husband said to his best mate. It's a rough road. And yes, we still only have the one. He will be four in in two weeks!

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  19. thank you for the sharing! it really helps me understand many things!

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  20. Thank goodnesd for your blog, sent it to daddy to be, with read asap attached. I'm only 10weeks just found out and feel like I'm losing my mind. Everything bothers me but at least it's normal and there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, hopeful I can hang on to a shred of sanity for the both of us for the next 8-9 more months....

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