Dec 13, 2011

Butt Paste, Boogie Wipes, Breast Pumps & Bumbo Seats… What else?

When my husband and I created our registry we laughed our way through the store.  I mean who the hell came up with “Butt Paste” & “Boogie Wipes” now there is a new product called, “Anti Monkey Butt Paste.”  Product placement is huge, I get it, but for a first time mom, funny or not, I am really freaked out by it all!  I have said it before and I will say it again, how can something so small need so much stuff?

I’m bad, but daddy is just beside himself with all of the crap we have to get and then put together.  He has never really been around babies, let alone cared for one, so he so lost it’s actually quite funny.  He gets the stroller together and then cannot figure out how to fold it up.  Watching him be completely beaten by a stroller has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen so far.  He lost the plot--shaking it, trying to push one button and then the other, but inevitably one of them would unclick and go back to the way it was.  Next thing I know he has the screw driver out yelling, “Eff this! I’m just going to take it apart and return it, this thing must be faulty.”  My neighbor comes over and just holds the lever and pushes a button and the thing collapses with a gentle smile… Oh My God, funny is not even the word! I’ll just leave you to imagine how funny it was watching him try to figure out how to unsnap the baby carrier from the car seat base and then snap it into the stroller.  Y’all my baby is screwed…

We have so much stuff for this baby my head is spinning.  How in the world will I know when to use what, on what and when?  I love how everything comes with a manual, except the one precious item that needs one the most… my baby.  I know there are a plethora of books out there and a mom on every corner ready to share her story, but I need a manual for MY baby.  I just keep trying to remind myself, and my husband, that people have been keeping babies alive for thousands of years without butt paste, boogie wipes, and breast pumps.

Still, I have 187 items collectively on my registries… I have maybe 60 of them.  I am also guessing that the baby really only needs 30 of them and my husband and I only know how to operate 10 of them.  Again, my baby is screwed!  For the past couple of weeks I have been standing in stores, staring at 15 different brands and versions of a the same product... I usually loose my patience, tell my husband to pick one and find a place to sit down.  I have the super Baby Bargains Book, I have product reviews... still no one thing says, "That's the one!"  It's just all so overwhelming.

We have just decided that once our nursery is complete we are going to play with everything, and try to create some sort of organized system of finding what we need when we need it.  I’m also going out to buy a baby doll to learn how to swaddle it, put it in the baby carrier, and yes, even teach my husband how to put a diaper/nappy on.  I am not about to try to figure out how to use all of the stuff on my own baby! 

Oh, and one more great aspect of owning all of this great stuff, it seems to get recalled the same day we figure out how to use it.  We have learned not to buy anything without checking with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission-- (for those of you who are reading this from outside the US, I know you as well have the same kind of government organization, you will just need to Google it, for example “who recalls baby products in Australia”) Please learn from us, the ultimate first time parents, check all of the current recalls and reviews of your baby stuff.  Even the rocker gliders are getting a bad wrap for cutting off baby fingers!

I have no doubt I will never be able to keep up with all of the recalls and warnings. But, just in case I am keeping all of my receipts stapled to the back of each manual in a plastic file box so if something does get recalled I will be able to sort it out.  I may be scared out of my mind about being a mom, but at least I am an organized basket case!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit


  1. When my daughter was a few weeks old, there was one time my dad kept telling me to feed her. He just knew she was crying because she was hungry. I knew that she had a full belly, an she just needed some help to get to sleep (she was quite a fussy baby). However I doubted myself, after all, he had helped raise 3 kids, what did I know?
    So I gave in and made a bottle. Turns out I was right. She refused to bottle and I was able to get her to sleep. When he came in and saw her sleeping in my arms he was amazed. I said "I don't know much about babies dad, but I do know MY baby." It was a great feeling to know that I did in fact know what she needed at that moment.
    Long story short, you will learn what your baby needs. Ad trust yourself because you do know your baby best.

  2. moonshine0100December 13, 2011

    I agree with the above post! You will learn your baby's cries and what he needs pretty quickly. It's usually one of three things: I'm hungry, I'm tired, or my butt is dirty. Fair warning, it usually takes men a bit longer to recognize these cries and even longer for them to feel completely comfortable caring for the kiddo by himself. And as for the baby products, there are only a few things you need immediately, in my opinion: A crib/bassinet, changing pad, and a swing. You will have to experiment and see what type of diapers, wipes, "butt paste", soap, etc. your baby likes once he arrives. I had made my mind up on which products I wanted to use and then realized my little one was the dictator and would choose which she liked best. If something works well, stick to it. If it doesn't, try a different brand. It's all trial and error. Fortunately, babies are resilient and all will be well!

  3. Thank you both very much!

    Anonymous, I am sure it was so empowering to know YOUR baby. I have heard that the "mothers instinct" is a real miracle of nature and should never be questioned. And thanks to your comment I will have even more confidence in mine!

    And to Moonshine, thank you for letting me know that buying tons of stuff and stressing out about the things I cannot afford is not worth all the worry.