“Great! I finally managed to master the art of sleeping fully erect to keep my heartburn, shortness of breath and back pain at bay. Last night my boobs were spitting a healthy amount of colostrum during a cup-size growth spurt. My ass and thighs continue to simultaneously race my belly to the "most weight gained" finish line, I nearly lost my toes the other day when the dog mistook them for sausages, BUT the really good news is that my hemorrhoids only bother me when I walk or sit down without a donut pillow and if I am really careful I will not need them surgically removed once baby is here!..."
"...Oh dear, please excuse me...I’m having Braxton Hicks Contractions and I’m not sure if I just peed on myself or had an explosion of discharge, either way I will need to change my extra absorbent panty liner immediately. My baby is not due for another 8 weeks so lets get together soon so we can talk more about the joys of pregnancy! Ciao”