Nov 18, 2011

Pregnancy Gas and Constipation… Finally something to laugh at!

My husband has a subscription to the most ridiculous magazine called, VIZ Comic. He is like a child when it comes in the mail each month, he rips it out of my hand and runs off to the bedroom to read it. I can hear him pissing himself laughing, and some/most times I cannot take it and run back there to hear what is so funny. This month he came to me and said, “oh baby do I have a treat for you!” Ladies he had a treat for all of us!

The following are euphemisms for Gas and Constipation. WARNING! This is potty humor at its finest hour… you will pee your pants! (Claire… we met over some great potty humor… this is even better, so watch out, this one’s for you!)

GAS- Things you can say when you either do it yourself or hear someone do it…

  1. Oh! Someone’s moving in next door- you know the sound of heavy furniture being dragged across the bare hard wood floor.
  2. A bit more choke and she would have started!
  3. Better an eviction than a bad tenant
  4. An excellent theory, Dr Watson; Was anybody injured?
  5. Don’t tear it! I’ll take the whole piece
  6. After the thunder comes the rain
  7. Speak up caller, you’re through!
  8. Sew a button on that
  9. Pin a tail on that
  10. That one just cracked the porcelain!
  11. Hey, you’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off
  12. Keep shouting sir, we’ll find you!
  13. Your voice has changed, but your breath is still the same!

Constipation- This is just plain bad…

  1. The Boulder Dam
  2. Waiting for the lights to turn brown
  3. Back-door Bottleneck
  4. Dead pigeon in the chimney
  5. Log Jam!
  6. Stuck between a rock and a hard place
  7. No flush needed, simmer for another 6 hours!
  8. Smuggling a tusk
  9. Agoraphobic turtle
  10. Prairie Dogging
  11. Building a log cabin
  12. Apparently the kids didn't want to get dropped off at the pool
  13. Hins--Hin! Hin! Hin! I Hinned and Hinned, but nothing! (the sound of straining)
  14. Like beating a concrete Piñata

OH my, these are so funny! I never in my life thought I would be able to laugh at these two subjects again. It is nice to have my potty humor back!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit