Nov 21, 2011

Observations at 28 weeks

Oh, the third trimester… 7 months and I have 7…hundred things to say about it! But I will stick to the usual 20…

  1. YAY! Only a couple more months to go.
  2. My lethal gas is no longer a frequent visitor!
  3. Because my constipation has caused permanent blockage!
  4. I cannot sleep in between trips to the bathroom to save my life! I toss, I turn, I pee… for 6-8 hours straight… (Picture disheveled, squinty eyes, coated in dark circles, knotted hair, a filthy mouth and a sweat suit and you have me, the perfect picture of 7 months pregnant with chronic sleep deprivation.)
  5. I have Cellulite on my Back. How is that possible? I think since my ass fell to the floor, a.k.a hit rock bottom, the first and second trimesters, now it has nowhere to go but up, and it’s bringing its baggage with it!
  6. My boobs are so itchy. I find myself putting on a show in line at the grocery, without even realizing it.
  7. My belly leads the way, I follow it everywhere I go, and if it doesn’t fit we don’t go. Including booths at my favorite restaurants. Now I know why preggies sit at the bar…
  8. Third trimester fatigue makes the first trimester fatigue look like child’s play. First trimester, my eyes hurt from tired. Third trimester my face and brain hurt from tired.
  9. Leggings are a girl’s best friend.
  10. I have not sat “lady like” in weeks… more like lumber jack with beer belly, legs open scratching my boobs in bliss…
  11. I left the house in sweatpants… Consciously. I knew what I was doing and did it proudly.
  12. I am starving, but for some reason after four bites I am full.
  13. I cannot catch my breath most of the day, and when I am eating my four bites, I am simultaneously gasping for air.
  14. I still have a bad, irrational, edgy, bitchy, I will kick your ass for fun attitude.
  15. I am now only craving sweets and crap… sometimes the occasional grape or green apple. French Fries and cupcakes are my go to.
  16. I can’t be bothered. I used to be so uptight and OCD. Now, I just sit on my couch and think, maybe tomorrow, or just don’t think about it at all. My In-Laws are in town from Australia, I don’t care if everything is not perfect. It’s actually very gratifying and freeing.
  17. I knew my baby was big, but today when my doctor measured my belly and looked at my husband and I and said, “He’s a big boy! Lucky for you he is coming out of the sunroof!” I was vindicated. My husband has broad shoulders and I’m having a medically necessary C-Section, as usual we are the perfect match!
  18. I am so sick of eating my prenatal gummy vitamins. Sometimes I try to go back to the swallow kind and still get nauseous. I can’t wait to be done with those nasty little necessary evil things.
  19. At least once a day my big boy kicks me in my pelvis then stomps on my butt hole. Seriously it’s like the one-two punch from hell.
  20. I’m scared shitless! I’m going to have a baby in a few weeks!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

7 comments:

  1. 10 and 19 made me laugh SO hard!!! Omg reading your blog for months has been THE funniest thing ever! I know you are having him come out the sunroof ;) but what is your due date. I'm due February 11th with a girl :)

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  2. I'm due February 9 th, but we are going to open the sunroof on February 2 nd! And thank you so much for reading my blog. It's your kind words and comments that keep me writing. Xx

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  3. Loving your blog... I'm due February 18th so all of this is familiar!
    -Michelle

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  4. TiredofbeingpregnantNovember 21, 2011

    Thanks Michelle! And Congratulations to you, and Miss Anonymous above. Yay for Feb babes!

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  5. I'm also due feb 18th and just recently found your blog. I wish I had seen it months ago. I feel like you are writing about my own pregnancy word for word!! Thank you for sharing!

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  6. You are so very welcome! I am thankful that you enjoy my blog. While I hear all of the time how pregnancies are so different, I think in so many ways they can be very text book too.

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  7. This is hilarious because I can relate to 90% of it. Lol

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