Nov 22, 2011

I’m terrified about becoming a mother

Having a baby is some seriously awesome & scary business!

Now that my due date is getting close, I am officially having the “third trimester anxiety.” I keep telling myself that I am going to be a great mom, and that whether I am ready or not, baby is coming! It’s still scary, and I hate to say it, I think I am more scared than excited right now. I want this baby, I want a family, but oh my I am a first time mom freaking out!

Just the other night I was talking about how I wanted the baby to stay in my belly until I was ready for him to come out. Yes, I will admit that I think pregnancy might be easier than being a mother. Right now, he eats when I eat, sleeps when I sleep, pees when I pee… From what I hear when he gets here I will only eat when he sleeps, sleep only when my husband feeds him, and pee only when I remember to.

I know all of this sounds selfish, but I’m being honest. My whole life is about to change. I even worry about how crazy the world is right now, and how I am bringing a child into it. I just plain worry. I stay up at night worrying about the most ridiculous things, but at 3am I think these things are important. I am still even worrying about the fears of him not making it into this world… I have to stop at that, because I actually feel the elephant crawl on my back at the thought of such an absolutely awful thought.

The only way I get through it is to actually say this to myself, “STOP IT! This baby is coming, I want him more than anything else in this world, I will be a great mother, he is going to be healthy and happy, and all will be well!” I also know all of this is normal, and natural for a first time mother. Bottom line-my baby will be here in less than 3 months, which means I can spend the next 3 months freaking out, or just try to keep my mind off of it. The sun will continue to rise and set and the days will pass no matter what. I am going to be a mother soon, a damn good mother (I hope) very soon...

... Oh, but I am scared… do you see how vicious this cycle is!!! Geez… There is no magical word or way to think of it to make it better. I guess I just find solace in knowing I am normal for freaking out, and all will be ok as long as I have faith and take it one day at a time…

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit

1 comment:

  1. Im terrified too! I'm going to have twins in less than a month and I'm a first time mom! I cant even sleep at night anymore because im constantly freaking out over how hard it'll be.