Nov 4, 2011

99 days of Pregnancy left to go!!


I am officially in the double digits! I looked at my husband this morning and said, “Honey, only 99 days to go!’ He looked over at me, smiled, nodded his head and said,” I know baby, I keep a running count in my head of how many days left until I vomit on myself, pass out and wake up to my son screaming and peeing on me. It’s going to be the best day of my life!” Only he thinks like that… or maybe all dads do. I just think sweet ass, I have 99 days left of pregnancy… and then I think Sweet Jesus, I have 99 days left until I have a baby.

I suppose now is a good time to reflect on the past 166 days. So, Day 1…don’t worry it’s not going be like that, I am thinking more like this…

Month 1- I had no idea I was pregnant, it was not supposed to be possible, so I was smoking cigarettes and drinking on the weekend like a good little Catholic girl—Go ahead, crucify me now! : p

Month 2- OMG OMG OMG I’m pregnant!! OMG OMG OMG I have to throw up! Cigarettes make me sick when I smell them. Alcohol makes me throw up a little in my mouth when I smell it. I’m not hungry, I'm nauseous. I just want to sleep, all of the time...by the toilet on the cold bathroom floor, just in case I actually throw up. If you say Taco Bell, I will smack you! How come I drink a gallon of water but pee out three gallons… all while I'm trying to sleep?

Month 3- That’s it, I HATE being pregnant! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. How in the hell am I going to survive another 7 months??? I’m sick, super tired, annoyed, edgy, hate my husband, my cat, my hair, my butt, my job, my life, your life, the dogs life, the world and society, excuse me I have to throw up now!

Month 4- Dear husband: So, yeah I’m pregnant, and I hate you. P.S clean out the cat litter. Wait… am I seriously not going to throw up today. I want taco Bell? What’s happening? Oh no, is something wrong with my baby... Whew, I still hate my job, butt, hair, husband, cat, dog, society, and I have to pee for the 44th time today… Thank God I must still be pregnant! I think I need to poop… Why can’t I poop?

Month 5- Haaaaaaay! I like pregnancy! My baby is kicking, I can eat what ever I want, my husband is cool again, I even like the cat and society makes me laugh… uh oh… no wait baby just kicked… LIFE IS GOOD and I’m having a little boy to prove it!! I don’t even care that I can’t poop!

Month 6- Yeah, um… so… pregnancy is my bitch now. I am in control, I only half woke up when I peed 12 times last night. I raided my husbands closet and found an outfit that made my butt look less than gargantuan. I brushed my hair and teeth and put on make-up! I look and feel good and my baby is growing like a Rockstar. What first trimester symptoms? I feel great, no way I ever felt that bad. Pregnancy amnesia? Huh? Whatever look at my cute belly.

Month 7-… I have no clue what to expect here… Whatever bring it on, I only have 99 days to go, I can do it!

P. S. If you are reading this early on in your pregnancy, have no fear. I am the biggest sissy, low pain threshold having, complaining brat in the galaxy! If I can do it, you have got this!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

11 comments:

  1. Cheers to being 99 days!! I am right there with you! I loved your recap of your pregnancy :) I had a slightly easier time in the beginning months but can definitely agree with months 1, 4, 5, & 6. The next 3 will be interesting...

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  2. Thank you and same to you! I'm so happy to be on the back stretch, but being a FTM I'm a little scared too! I'm with you, the third trimester is supposed to be interesting.... All the best to you and family!

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  3. Wow! I am 9 weeks today and was one of the people typing "I hate being pregnant" in the search engine when I found your blog. I read every single post in the last couple of hours! Is that weird? lol Thank you for creating this and keeping up with it! It means a lot to me at this point to identify with someone with some freaking HONESTY! I swear people on the message boards are lying when they are all happy about their morning sickness because "that means the baby is healthy". They can not be that happy!! HOW CAN THEY BE THAT HAPPY??? Dear God! I am also thankful to read your posts where you started getting less sick and more excited. There is light at the end of the tunnel! Thank you!

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  4. My dearest FTM@27... Lmao! Anyone who tells you they love morning sickness is full if crap, can suck it and needs their head checked! I'm so happy to hear you have read my blogs, I re read them too. It really does get better... At 9 weeks I was freaking out too. By 16 weeks the whole world sucked less! Growing a human is hard work, but I promise so awesome and fulfilling by week 20 at the latest!! All of the very best to you. Xx

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  5. OMG pregnancy amnesia is totally real! This is my second baby. The first was 4 years ago, and I didn't remember how miserable that little girl made me until it happened all over again! It was like "I can't stand to have my husband anywhere near me...oh yeah, I remember that from before." And why do I suddenly hate my beloved diet coke? Oh yeah, it's the pregnancy, I remember that too. And the freaking nausea! I didn't recall the extent of the misery until I got to do it again. Thank God I've made it to 16 weeks and it's much better.

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  6. That amnesia is good stuff if you want more than one little gift. And congrats on hitting 16 weeks, you have earned your well deserved second set of first trimester wings.

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  7. NINETEEN WEEKS TODAY! And I cannot WAIT until this is over! Love your blog!

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  8. YAY!! Congrats and Thank you very much!

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  9. 16 weeks and ready to get this over with,hate it

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  10. :-( 24 weeks...and everything still sucks, and i hate being pregnant. I felt better reading this until i came accross a comment saying it would all seem worth while by week 20 at the latest. Now i just feel like a failure

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  11. Am at 14 weeks and am already over it. I want this to be over. It's my 1st and last unless my husband pushing it out them am done. No morning sickness thank goodness just lots of lower pelvic pain. I hate looking fat nothing fits. Come on April.

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