Oct 26, 2011

Maternity clothes are giving me a "Camel Hoof"

We all know, I HATE MATERNITY CLOTHES.  Last week after trying on a bunch of maternity dresses for a wedding, my husband talked me into trying on some "nice maternity slacks for work." Two pairs in,  he informed me that the pants not only looked terrible, they were giving me a "Camel Hoof."  Yes, a "Hoof" not a "Toe." He was so right that the tears switched from devastation to laughter. Needless to say, we got the hell out of that torture chamber.

I miss having options.  I miss a day of retail therapy where I shop at 20 different stores filled with beautiful options.  Now, I have one store in my local mall devoted to my maternity belly and cheesy fry filled thighs. FYI, MACY’S doesn’t even have a maternity section, WTF!?   How can there be so few options?  Pregnancy is an epidemic, it’s spreading across the world. We are all getting knocked up, why can’t we get clothes to make us feel good about it?

Don’t even get me started on shoes!  In the days of an above average monthly visit from my Aunt Flow, when my clothes were almost to tight to wear, I could always depend on a sexy pair of shoes to lift my spirits.  Now, my sexy pair of shoes is my comfy Uggs or ballet flats. Hello?! Ok, wait, I suppose I should mention that if you are a rock star like Beyonce, then you can still rock Jimmy Choo’s at 6 months. There is actually a picture of her in the “Choos” that were so funky looking it made my back hurt. 

I know there are maternity boutiques in New York and online sites, but I’m sorry I do not have $10,000 to spend on a brand new wardrobe that I will have to replace every month! I cannot order online because I have enough trouble in the stores, buying clothes site unseen is a huge waste of time and money. Oh, I could go on like this forever!


Please Mrs/Mr. Designer Person (that I pray is reading this), hook a sister up and design some affordable sassy maternity clothes. Trust me, you will have loyal clients for life!




Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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