Oct 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!

Or... should I say, Happy Stuff-your-face-with-sugary-yum-yum day! All week long I have heard Disc Jockeys (DJ’s) on the radio talk about how many grams of fat and calories are in popular Halloween candy, and then how many hours it will take to work it off. First of all, let me just go on record here about those DJ’s, I HATE THOSE MOTHER FU--ERS! I am pregnant and have very little self-control, so when I see a “snack-size” candy I think, well that’s only ¼ of the way bad... According to those DJ’s, I will eat twice as many in one sitting than a normal candy bar and will need to walk to the ends of the earth and back to burn it off. Whatever!

I am so scared to go to my office today. Last week the candy started pouring in, so I have no doubt there will be copious amounts waiting for me today. I am also very concerned about the cookies, cupcakes and other treats I have absolutely no self-control around these days. In fact, I have to be honest here, I have come to grips with the fact that today I am going to do unspeakable things to food, and gain a shameful amount of weight. My master plan is to hide behind my pregnancy by putting on the "I'm pregnant" show while stuffing my face. You know, “oh poor me, my baby boy is making me crave this entire table of food, you had better just stand back so you don’t get hurt." I also think you should know I have no plans to apologize because I am going to ride out the “poor me” and “it’s not my fault” until I fall into a sugar induced comatose and have to sit in a corner holding my sick bloated stomach and complaining about what the baby made me do.

OH, and one more FYI, I will probably write a blog at the end of the week about how my clothes are not fitting at all anymore, and I don’t have the slightest clue why. I mean how could I possibly know, I have been diligent about making wise choices at meal times and walking everyday… HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com