Sep 26, 2011

The Pregnancy Sisterhood

I learned very quickly during my pregnancy that there is an underground club known as the Pregnancy Sisterhood. This Sisterhood is made up of pregnant women and those who have been-there-done-that. It’s very cool this sisterhood, I have waited a long time to become a member and can certainly remember being unknowingly alienated from the sisterhood by my girlfriends who went before me.  I remember sitting at lunches when they would start talking about pregnancy and I was sure they had switched to talking in tongues. Those lunches always ended the same, I was drunk and my girlfriends were confirming baby registry shopping dates. I have now also realized that there are different levels to it, The Newbie’s, The Preggies, The Graduates, The Alumni and the Know-It-Alls.

The Newbie’s- These beautiful souls are more clueless than a deer in headlights. They try to absorb all of the available literature, talk to everyone who will listen and call their doctor everyday due to a cramp, pang or gas bubble. Newbie’s have at least one Alumnus on speed dial and would be lost without her.

The Preggies-These ladies are former Newbie’s who have settled nicely into pregnancy. They know exactly where to go for help and don’t shit themselves anymore when they feel a cramp, stabbing pain or don’t poop for a week. Preggies gaze jealously at the bigger bumps in the grocery store but also look at the smaller bumps and feel accomplished. 

The Graduates- These women have done the damn thing for 34+ weeks and feel like they have earned their pass to the delivery room and cannot wait to be “normal” again.  The graduates want their baby, mind and pre-pregnancy body back NOW!!! Graduates can be a bit snobby and easily annoyed.  I don’t blame them, they have been pregnant for the last 7+ months, I expect to have a shitty attitude as well.

The Alumni- These are the women who have graduated at least once from the School of Pregnancy and are always happy to talk about it.  I’d say these women are the leaders of the Pregnancy Sisterhood, you run into them in line at the grocery, pumping gas, in the park, anywhere and everywhere and you make instant friends!  The alumni can guess how far along you are and will stare lovingly at your bump, almost wishing they had one too and sometimes they do.  Alumni are always happy to give a sister advice or a sympathetic ear.

The Know-it-Alls- These women are either still pregnant or have been-there-done-that. They think they are professional baby makers and deserve a freaking award. I think they deserve a big fat piece of duct tape over their mouths with the word “BITCH” written across it. These hens are always ready to tell you what they think, how their ways/methods are the best and most of all how shit you are.  STAY AWAY FROM THEM IF POSSIBLE!

The Sisterhood thrives because pregnancy is like a light bulb inside of you that never ever burns out, you will always want to shine the light of your pregnancy on anyone who will listen, and a Newbie or Preggie will always be eager to listen and ask questions. Luckily, most pregnant women do get “pregnancy amnesia” so most of the stories are bright and shiny, ridding on unicorns.  It’s the Know-it-alls who tell women that "they were nauseous the entire time, with four sets of hemorrhoid grapes swinging from their constipated-hormonal-hairy-100-pound-heavier-stretch-mark-covered-asses." Again, stay away from those miserable sisters, half of the time I have found they are full of misdirected anger.

It sure is not easy to become a member of the Pregnancy Sisterhood, but once you are, there is a world wide network of sisters always eager to listen and help.  I really feel blessed to be a member and look forward to years of being a big sister to the Newbie’s of the world.  I’d say our Sisterhood is second only to the Motherhood Sisterhood…

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit