Sep 25, 2011

Pregnancy Jokes

Today we laugh my friends...


Here are a few of my favorites... there are more to come but these couldn't wait!



How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
~If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

I normally wear a size 34-C bra. Now that I’m pregnant, should I continue to wear a bra?
~Not if you don’t mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.


What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
~It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.


A little boy went up to a pregnant woman and asked: "Why is your tummy so fat?" "There's a baby growing in there," she cheerfully told him. The little one waited a few seconds then asked: "So what's growing in your backside?"


And last....


BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
______________________________________…
Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month
______________________________________…
The Baby clothes:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour co-ordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard
only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
______________________________________…
Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up
the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing
______________________________________…
Pacifier/Dummies:

1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can
go home and wash and sterilize it.
2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some
juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
______________________________________…
Diaper/Nappy changing:

1st baby: You change your baby's nappies every hour, whether they need
it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain
about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
______________________________________…
Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
______________________________________…
Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees
blood.
______________________________________…
At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
______________________________________…
Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the
hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his
allowance!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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