Aug 12, 2011

I'm 3 and 1/2 months pregnant and scared to death!

Something I really have not written much about is my seriously real and overwhelming fear of becoming a mother.  What if I screw this baby up? Drop it on its head, a lot? Cry and have Postpartum for 18 years? Make all of the wrong decisions? I'm scared to death and need to get a grip!

I really believe the human gestation is 266 days/38 weeks, because humans are by nature selfish and need a long time to get used to what “having a baby” really means. So far this baby has ruled my 14 weeks of pregnancy.  I have been nothing but a pissed off annoyed vessel the whole time.  

Clearly this is to prepare me for life as a mother.  It's gone, what I want is gone... My baby is ALL I SHOULD CARE ABOUT NOW!!!  That's what I hear screaming out from this pregnancy.  I don't want to pee or fart all the time...too bad baby does.  I don't want heartburn and indigestion... to bad baby says don't piss me off and you will learn.   I don't want hemorrhoids... baby says too bad there's not enough room in here, I decided to move out some of your internal organs! You get it....

Don’t get me wrong, I want to be a mother very much.  I want to be a very awesome, super hero mom. However, right now I am nothing more than a very scared and excited soon-to-be-mommy…

When I’m overwhelmed about something I always say, “This too shall pass.”  I guess that saying doesn’t really work when talking about fear of child rearing.  Can anyone offer advice about how to be prepared or tips or tricks that really worked for you?  I know there are lots of us out there who are staring into the headlights of pregnancy with blindness and fear.

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit


  1. Not much advice but wanted to say I felt the same with my son. I spent most of my pregnancy worried about how I'd have the answers to all those questions children have and before the questions start how I would deal him being unwell ( I've never dealt well with people being sick) or what if he had accident. But all I can say is you deal with it. The fact your worried about Screwing up this baby is a good sign, it means you'll do the best not too. It's not easy and I have no doubt when my son and this one are teenager they will scream I hate you and think of us as out of touch old folks, but we can only do what we feel is best at the time and when they are finally in our shoes they will understand!

  2. Claire!! So good to hear from you... My favorite witty and wise original reader!! Thank you for you comment, as always. If karma stays with me my teenagers will be straight out of hell calling me every name in the book-in between I Hate You's of course! Hope number two is still going well! Cheers!

  3. I was just told about this blog, and wanted to thank you for saying all the things I think/feel but would get stoned for saying outloud- hahaha. I have a 6 yr old daughter, but that hasn't made this pregnancy any less scary, bitchy, and otherwise slightly miserable... As far as child rearing??? hahaha. You can read all day long, but nothing will prepare you for the unique child you'll have. I will say beware though- all your quirky traits are likely to be passed on and amplified on the little one. My daughter is a "mini-me" personality-wise... and while being stubborn, strong-willed, outspoken, and smartass works well at 30, it's a bit different on a 6 year old. Just don't take anything too seriously- and keep blogging!!!

  4. Thanks Jessika for your kind words and making me laugh out loud! God help us all if my child gets my quirks! That's going to be the ultimate Karma!

  5. I am 26 years and 12 weeks pregnant. I feel exactly the same except i also feel that my life, in as my dreams, career, life as an independent woman, actually life as it is, is over. I am just so unwilling to give up and accept it is over. If i do then i'll probably be unhappy and i don't want to be an unhappy mother. Guess i don't wanna grow...too sudden!
    How to get over it?