Aug 22, 2011

How can my doctor answer "it's gas" to ALL of my questions?

I know what you’re thinking, this is going to be one of my usual rants about my rocket fuel worthy, stinky, evacuate a room external flatulence.  Well, you are so wrong!  This is all about my insane internal gas, the apparent source of most all of my internal pregnancy issues.   After my doctor answered, “It’s gas” to most of my questions, I needed to know what was going on in this belly of mine and if I could stop it. Never in my life did I think I would ever do so much research on human gas.

Now that we are pregnant we have much higher levels of progesterone, a hormone that relaxes smooth muscle tissue throughout our bodies, including our gastrointestinal tract. This relaxation slows down our digestion almost to a stop so our growing baby/ies can absorb every single nutrient our food/beverage has to offer. Later in pregnancy, our growing uterus crowds our abdominal cavity, further slowing digestion, and pushes on our stomach, making us feel even more bloated after eating. I can hardly wait to experience that…

On that note… I am going to stop there with my flatulence explanation because the deeper I dug the sicker I got, so I will spare you all that funky medical grossness. I will just give you this last piece of medical information; Flatulence is a mixture of the gases Nitrogen, Hydrogen, Carbon Dioxide, Oxygen and Methane.

Back to my issues and doctors appointment… I always line up a list of questions, as does my husband for our appointment.  Here is how most of the questions went…

1.  Q. I’ve been having chest pains the last couple of days.
    A.   It’s probably Gas.
2. Q.  I’ve been having little pains in different places around my belly.  Not   cramping but pains?
     A. It’s Gas.
3. Q. I haven’t had too much trouble since I called about the fiery pain in my belly. But it was really scary, I have the Pepcid now like you recommended and have taken it twice from fear I’ll have pain like that again.
     A.  It’s ok, every pregnant woman experiences it.  Its just gas.
4.  Q.  Are you sure we are not having twins?  Look at her massive stomach at 15 weeks. (This one came from my husband...  No, I am not mad at my husband for that question, it’s true I am all belly and some butt and thighs of course. I do look like I’m 7 months pregnant not 4)
     A.  No you are not having twins, its just Gas. Infact, do you notice how by the end of the day her stomach doubles in size?  It's just the gas building throughout the day.  
5. Q. I know it’s early but I think I might be feeling my baby kick sometimes and some small movements too.
    A.  Maybe… but at just 15 weeks it’s probably just gas…

WTF!? How can all of my problems and concerns stem from gas? It seems to me that if there were a magic pill to get rid of gas, that was safe for baby and me, I would have a much easier more comfortable pregnancy!

The next obvious option since the magic pill is out is to adjust my diet.   Here is the truth about that… YOU CANNOT!!  If you don’t believe me research it yourself. I could list all of the gas causing food and beverages I read to avoid, but then I would be listing everything but water.  Although, I must inform you that if you drink your water through a straw or in such a way that you swallow air with it then gas is caused. 

In summation, we are all screwed! Internal and external gas is just a part of our sexy pregnancies.  Looks like our partners, family, friends, and innocent bystanders are just going to have to suffer right along with us.  Unless of course you are one of those women who will hold it in until your eyeballs pop out. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t run around crop dusting everyone, but at the same time when it comes to the painful ones, I do not recommend holding it in for very long. I have done that once then within minutes a second one came rolling down the gang plank and well, I exploded…They don’t just dissipate you know.  Also, after hearing how that much gas build up is causing my so many issues, I am now positive it is much better out that in!  Sorry I know I was supposed to stick to internal flatulence issues but I couldn’t help myself. ; )  

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

5 comments:

  1. Hahahaha- I'm thinking of cancelling my 15 week checkup tomorrow since apparently your doctor answered all my same questions- and my hubby will gloat with the satisfaction, that yes, we are a big walking container of gas. Lovely, sexy, and oh so feminine...

    UGH!!! Oh well, I guess we should be so grateful the answers are simple. :)

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  2. My Hubby won't walk behind me now... I love having him at my appts. but he hears it all!

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  3. hahahahaha... my poor daughter just looks at me- I blame the dogs :)

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  4. Ugh, I really hope I don't get even more gassy. I'm not even pregnant yet, but I'm reading a bunch of forums and blogs and I'm scared at the idea of my already gassy body getting worse!

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